Monday, June 27, 2005

..the fear to reminisce..

Couldn't sleep last night because I know it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees. Learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that weakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever. I love you. i'll be seeing you. - The Notebook

I should be sleeping by now... Resting from today's work and empowerment for my restraint body. Then just a while ago I felt the urge of checking other blogs and found interesting pictures of my high school life. Thanks to Ivy Maure I present to you the face of my past.



(L-R:)The Threesome! ; Mau, Juz and Kai

The first complete pic of T.22.

Anyway.. If you want to view more pics... Visit her blog nalang.. Haha! I can't stop laughing at myself... Seeing my hair progressed compared to the ones in these pics. :p But anyway.. I miss my barx.. (.T.22 :p)

And it's not only that... I miss my friends from high school.

Don't get me wrong... Having a new life (college life) with new friends actually helps me to cope up and be happy in moving on. I love my new friends. :) It's just that... you can never escape the fact that when you're all alone.. you can't avoid bringing up any of these past memories to the present... So all you can do is reminisce.

Sharing out a dismal piece may actually free your mind from sadness and perplexity.

(In short.. drama time.. :s Haii.. *pagbigyan*)

Little by little... It made me realize that I was always filled with cowardice. I fear what I know is best for me and for others. I fear what it is to risk and cannot change what has been done. I fear what I am capable of especially when hardships and sacrifices are bound to happen anytime. I fear on losing the ones I love... not even a chance of being able to fight back... and I fear the answers to all these mind-boggling questions that I wouldn't even dare to ask.

But if I knew this ever since... Why prolong it? Why seclude these confessions only now?... Why let the mind suffer by depriving it from happiness? Why still get the feeling of being stuck? What distracts me from doing my destined task? Why still wait for signs to show up when all I have to do is blurt out the exact words from these hidden thoughts? Why still be a confidante who tries to convince herself everyday, to think positive thoughts yet still doubt or just reason out nalang the famous 'Bayaan mo na'.. or.. Bahala na si Lord..? I dunno.. Until when will this confusion last? :o

If I could only face these fears and live up to that face saying 'Let it go now' without any regret... Then I guess I can say... it's finally over... And so have I accomplished in conquering the alter-ego that dominates this existence.

If only..

If only I knew how. :'c

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/27/2005 06:30:00 PM

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