it's not easy
It's our prelims week so I guess it's double the effort than my usual. Actually, I can't describe myself whether i'm taking things seriously or not. But one thing's for sure... My grandma's condition is really getting serious. :c
It's so different when you watch in the movies about someone dying in his/her deathbed. Yeah you feel sadness but not the type wherein you can almost feel like you can't get over it. It's like saying to yourself that you don't want to be that character because you live in a circle protected by the ones you love and the nearest person who could possible die is the one that doesn't belong in your circle. Guess what? It happens. And right now, I just can't believe its her time.
Mama, never give up...
That's what I keep on telling her. And I do believe she's a real fighter. The greatest fighter i've ever known. For eight years she struggled with cancer, tried different healing methods and even went to the holy land, hoping for a spiritual miracle. A year ago I posted an entry about her entitled 'death...' which I dedicated to her. And because of God's goodness, she was given another year to make the most out of her life. I can say she really did because she told me recently about her dreams.. on seeing Him.
The thing is, seeing her in that situation crushes my heart. But knowing that in a few days/weeks/even a month who knows, we will all be losing her. I'll be losing her. My grandma, my second mom. My friends tell me that maybe it is her time already. I should accept it because this is the point wherein her sufferings are about to end. Holding her cold hand sucked all the warmth inside me. Tears fell and God knows when I'd be over this. In the midst of our family crisis, I feel so sad watching their feud while my grandma lies in her bed knowing every problem this family has. I wish I could still hug her, but i'm really scared I might unplug her dozens of tubes in her face.
My grandma.. who appreciates my worth. The person who exposed me to the world of music. The person who invested in my educational plan so I can study without having problems during enrollment. The person who brought me to different places around the world. The only person who continuously says 'I love you'. My mama.. Oh God i'm gonna miss you so much.
posted by the only juz @ 1/18/2007 04:03:00 PM
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