goodbye
I didn't believe in divine interventions or whatever you call it but this morning at 4:44 AM, I just felt my grandma saying goodbye to me. And after a few minutes, my hunch was right..From: Papa
Subject: Mama is gone. She is now in heaven.
Date: 01-25-2007
Time: 5:35 AM
Thus, a very dark morning awakened.
Seeing her in a casket full of flowers, mass cards and people seemed like it was all part of a dream. I always hoped that my grandma would live another long year but just as everyone expected, her soul left her lifeless body and said goodbye to the world.
Thanks to all my friends and family who were there. I'm sure Mama would be very happy watching her last memorable event. And to how I'd cope up, only God knows when. Unfortunately, my Ilocos fieldtrip is cancelled but for Mama i'm very willing to give it up.
It's been a long time since I cried this much. I feel the pain of others who loves her very much especially my grandpa. But I guess this is her time. I always pray that her sufferings would end but to embrace it as if removing this from her is a very excruciating task. Everyone definitely has to move one. So I guess i'd better start now. But one thing's for sure...
I just lost my second mother. And no one in this world could ever replace that greatness she did for me.
Love you mama, I know you're with him..
Films. Flicks. Films.
I've been inherited by my grandpa a way of coping up with stress. MOVIES.
Recently i've already watched two of my picks..
Night at the Museum
Ben Stiller's hilarious role and the story made this movie a hit for me. All my cousins were laughing and even my pops. Watch it on January 24 in theatres near you.
and..
Eragon
Though I havent read the book, it was pretty entertaining for me. They say they were disappointed like in HP4, but i'm interested in this story. So I guess i'm gonna get a copy of the trilogy for me.
Lagaan
I learned that you should never underestimate a Bollywood movie. This was actually a requirement for one of our subject til i got the hang of it. Loved Rachel Shelley. This musical movie is a must watch :)
it's not easy
It's our prelims week so I guess it's double the effort than my usual. Actually, I can't describe myself whether i'm taking things seriously or not. But one thing's for sure... My grandma's condition is really getting serious. :c
It's so different when you watch in the movies about someone dying in his/her deathbed. Yeah you feel sadness but not the type wherein you can almost feel like you can't get over it. It's like saying to yourself that you don't want to be that character because you live in a circle protected by the ones you love and the nearest person who could possible die is the one that doesn't belong in your circle. Guess what?
It happens. And right now, I just can't believe its her time.
Mama, never give up...
That's what I keep on telling her. And I do believe she's a real fighter. The greatest fighter i've ever known. For eight years she struggled with cancer, tried different healing methods and even went to the holy land, hoping for a spiritual miracle. A year ago I posted an entry about her entitled 'death...' which I dedicated to her. And because of God's goodness, she was given another year to make the most out of her life. I can say she really did because she told me recently about her dreams.. on seeing Him.
The thing is, seeing her in that situation crushes my heart. But knowing that in a few days/weeks/even a month who knows, we will all be losing her. I'll be losing her. My grandma, my second mom. My friends tell me that maybe it is her time already. I should accept it because this is the point wherein her sufferings are about to end. Holding her cold hand sucked all the warmth inside me. Tears fell and God knows when I'd be over this. In the midst of our family crisis, I feel so sad watching their feud while my grandma lies in her bed knowing every problem this family has. I wish I could still hug her, but i'm really scared I might unplug her dozens of tubes in her face.
My grandma.. who appreciates my worth. The person who exposed me to the world of music. The person who invested in my educational plan so I can study without having problems during enrollment. The person who brought me to different places around the world. The only person who continuously says 'I love you'. My mama.. Oh God i'm gonna miss you so much.
Double Dead
So how's my plate doing so far? Screwed. Grr.. This is the worst plate ive ever done this year. I dunno if its because im lazy or I just can't really do it. Nah, I just can't do it. I practiced, I tried.. What more can I do? So whats next? Study nalang for the quiz tom. Hai.. another boring day. I'm dead. :o Bring out the corkscrew. Screw my plate. Screw me.
Synthesis
Life is a gift from God to experience the colorful world of reality. We gain our own perception through different emotions and by learning from history in order to develop ourselves in finding the true meaning of life
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Happy birthday bloggie!!
It's so nice to see my blog celebrate its 2nd year. 2 years full of text, pictures and emotions, these are one of my priceless possessions that I barely keep. Cuz knowing me, i'm the type who doesn't commit with longevity. Anyway, I feel bad cuz I haven't updated my bloggie for a long time. So where should I start?I am so happy because my sister found my USB. Imagine that 2 months of sacrificing my silence because i'm so scared if my gramps finds out that because of my 'burara' attitude, he won't buy me any gadgets again. I also had the best Christmas because I didn't expect my gifts to be that 'nice'. A pair of chucks, havaianas, hush puppies would satisfy a dried up shopaholic like me. Anyway, i'm not even a shopaholic person. :p New year was ok. Actually it wasn't that good because of the dramas that happened within those 2 months.
When it comes to school, i'm so happy to say that i've got the best of friends around. I usually think that I dont belong to any group 'or should i say
party' . Living out as an independent party is no joke. And like what I usually say to some of my friends and even to my counsellor,
being alone is very 'sad' because you don't have that stability of being able to hold on to someone else especially when your ultimate energy has already been drained by someone else. Anyway, i'm just happy about it. :) Regarding my course, there was a time when I really felt that sudden gush to transfer to another school. But when I went to the archives and read my first january entries, I felt so thankful that i'm still here surviving my chosen course. Oh reading my previous entries brought back all the good memories. The happy, sad, frustrating and painful moments, it was so interesting that I even saw how "deep" I used to write.
Especially for some people. :p Oh those vocabulary words... I'm not even sure what it meant without checking dictionary.com. :p And of course the many changes i've done thanks to blogskins.com.
I could still remember my face before entering this blog. I'm hurting yet happy, confused and yet busy. I'm not even sure if anyone still reads this kind of writing. But all I want to say is, I would
never shut down this blog. Reading this reminds me of my past joys and pains. And surpassing them is the best example I can get whenever I need to surpass another problem like this.
Thanks for visiting my blog! and Happy 2nd year bloggie. :)From the old maraudedvigilante to
Rednocturnes,
