..and I could not ask for more..
Have you ever felt this amazing thought that no matter how hard time tries to vanquish your feelings for someone you've loved so much, it just wouldn't fade away? It may heal all scars, forget all your failures, but the presence of your one great love seems endless in recalling unforgettable moments you've both shared... Still fresh.. and still not forgotten. We all have our weaknesses. And self-denial is just one thing that won't do any good. Just be true to yourself and go on... It's you who make your own story... not them.
..risks, chances and decisions..
Our lives improve only when we take chances ... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.-- Walter Anderson
In connection to that... I have secluded all my blurry thoughts and come up with an entry that will put an end to this once and for all.
It's true whenever they say that one's expectation of true happiness cause other people's misfortunes in life. Sometimes you get too much in ways of having / attaining rewards you wouldn't think you deserve (e.g. having / attaining high grades, etc.); More so when you feel like the world is on the breach of your palm and yet no one else would be able to take it away from you. It's the feeling of boosting your alter-ego claiming to be the luckiest person alive... but next in line follows a sequence or pattern that obviously turns your unreachable positon (or from where you are) to the lowest. It demotes you.. scrutinate you... even sweep you off like a loser.
constructive criticism - criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions
Whoever invented this word must have gone through a lot in his life.
So let's say this works for some who finds criticism their booster... and other challengers who dare themselves capture the hearts of those who judge their own work. Hopefully with the use of this teaching... I may become a good illustrator (someday...) but sometimes, all these expectations just turns out as a wasting moment of deterioration. It degrades your own personality, your art, your masterpiece, your skill, and even your dreams. It's a good thing we didn't have much classes this wee and I even got an 89 percent grade in our Design and Color subject which happens to be one of the subjects I thought i'd flunk. Is it just plain luck? :-s or maybe not... :p And with this triumph... another force balances it by affecting my relationships with other people.
"Some people don't change overnight." -- If that's so, then why even risk?
I have been through a lot of thinking these past few days and from what I've seen, heard and felt especially in recent time... I think my mind has fully incapacitated hope for this kind of nocturnal situation. Hadn't it been obvious that from what I've been through before, it has now taught me how to tackle serious stuffs like trauma and unleash the most possible way of controlling it? ...
We don't need someone in order to be happy. Although having someone means saying goodbye to loneliness... it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to find or even be desperate in searching for "the definite answer". Just think that by means of being
TRUE TO YOURSELF... we can escape the fear of being alone.We get the true feeling of
contentment... Risks are chances bound not to be missed because of its truths that molds us to be whole. It may sound ironic but knowing that these people who risk too much for their loved ones, is a tragic act of unselfishness and unconditional love.
BUT for me??? this one is WAY better than those who just wants a sure-shot relationship wherein they only start making moves whenever they think its already safe.
Bitter? haha How pathetic... What happened to the big lost word called
unconditional?
All these may sound absurd... but in every word shown in these lies an abundance on being honest to myself. You know it feels good on having the chance of releasing it out despite of all the barriers, but it's much better to think that doing this is just being plain honest to yourself.
We don't need to follow what others dictate to us because we write our own story. It is only in this manner that we will discover our true selves rather than committing to a life full of hoax and pretensions.
Just balance what the mind dictates and what our heart beats for. Goodnight.
..beyond limitations..
I could barely sleep and sparsely remember names with all these damn plates but what i'll never forget are these people who has always been there for me. In good times and in bad... nothing in this world could ever compare with....
T.22
Tricia, Kai, Cyan, Portia, Ishi, Mau and Juz.
the laughtrips, gimmicks, memories, and the quality of our friendship?? :
PRICELESS.
The best kayo guyz.. iba talaga eh.. sana magkakaschool na lang tayo.. :( birthday ko ah.. i'll inform you with the details. Ako pa!!?? haha I MISS YOU ALL!!!!! tama nga si kai.. T.22 is still and will always be the WORLD'S FINEST! kwentuhan tayo sa muling pagkikita.. :p
- xii -
..disturbing behavior..
The only thing you'll regret in this life are the risks you didn't take. If you find that one thing that makes you happy, grab it with both hands... and to hell with the consequences.It's a good thing my friend Nisha sent this sms before. In each day I think of these kind of doubts, this quote just settles it all. G
ood thing I followed it... for I shall never experience such inspiration; such motivation to pursue my daily tasks. Now I feel secured. I don't get the feeling of being lonely anymore. Goodbye to hopeless dramatic nights where all I ever do is cry! Goodbye to inferiority when all you could hear is the voice of encouragement that transmits to your whole system! Goodbye to paranoia where i'm already free... free from anger... and free from captivation! Goodbye.
What a bearable feeling. :) I'm too lazy to update but anyway... i'll post some pics.
<- with my prelims plate in CTEC..
SELF PORTRAIT.
Before our trip to Nisha's house.
- With my dad and sis. I MISS HIM!!! :'(
- My superhand workin out with superhardy problems
I'm sleepy. I'm happy. I'm drowsy. I'm happy. I'm falling. and i'm soo thankful with all the people around me. My friends.. T.22, blockmates.. Siete 1 + 1.. and of course... my angel... :) goodnight... zzzzzzzzzWE WON'T HAVE CLASSES IN THE MORNING!! WHOHOO!!! NO MDR! :D *isa lang pala sha.. class (sorreee... hehe) *- xii -
..The Cubicle Art Gallery Event..
Edited: I forgot to post these pics from our previous gimmick. (08-05-05.Friday)Location: Sir Wes's (Anatomy prof) and friends's art exhibit.A bonding moment with my friends from AD1 - 7 ... siete 1+1
With AD1-7's CTEC prof.. Sir Mark... gwapo noh.. :s hehehe
That's... Kriscel... Me.. Alex.. Mich.. and Clur.. (Sinong nakainom?? hulaan... :p)
With Alex... ; haha sinong bangag! sinong lasing?! not meeeehhh!! :p
Sabog.... as usual.. with my favorite painting... :s
- xii -
.. unexpected ..
With all the commotion of what's happening around me... I suddenly realize how time flies soo fast. Soo fast you get soo shock at things you least expect. But all I can say is that... No matter how hard you try in avoiding these things... it will always haunt you til you embrace it and accept the fact that this is actually your destiny.I must admit... i'm still scared and I don't know why.... but for sure i'll curse myself once I do anything stupid.
I wish I could be the right one for you. I wish you won't regret this. I wish my mind clears up and just feel at ease for a short amount of time. I wish I could normally breathe again... cause all it ever does is palpitate. I wish for this tension to stop. I wish for this mind to conclude. I wish for my friends to support. I wish for this new world to work out. I wish I can be myself again. And I wish I can be the person you'd want me to be.
Oh God... i'm soo scared. I know i'm ready for this. I know this won't hurt other people. I know what I agreed to was true. But why do I feel the intense contradiction of my body... part by part? Why does the mind drain all my energy with all these damn moral values; My stomach twists and hurt soo much; My face can't help but smile... and my heart cries out for my
angel's name. :c What the hell is wrong with me?? Geezz... I hope everything will turn out just fine. Cuz I really get the feeling that this is wrong. :c Do I deserve this? Do I deserve to give myself another chance to open these doors again?
The only truth I know right now is that yes... I am in-love with
you. my angel. Thanks for everything. Thanks for making me happy. :)
- xii -
.."You and Me"..
By Lifehouse :)What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to doNothing to loseAnd it's you and me and all of the peopleAnd I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of youAll of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out rightI'm tripping on wordsYou've got my head spinningI don't know where to go from hereCause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you
There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
Alalang........ :) Smallville season 5. Premieres Sept. 29 with their first episode: ARRIVAL. Can't wait... :D
Signing off.
..hallelujah..
Oh yess..... til now.. i'm on a little hangover from last night's somnifest! Anyway... just when I thought I was 45 minutes late for my Lettering class, I recall on the exact words that popped out on my mind as I dare myself pull out a finger and call on a cab... "In times of desperation... all you'll ever think of is riding a cab. No if's and but's in terms of paying the amount on the meter." *and then goes my 90php splurging moment.* But anyway... the prof arrived late. And as I expected... he gave me another 2.25. not bad since my work just resulted from procrastination.
We had early dismissal... Ivy and I decided to bond so we went to SM Manila. We decided to watch a not-so sensible movie entitled 'D ANOTHERS'. Laughtrip only to find out I was already being taken advantage by this goony looking guy beside me. GRR!! F*ck you you maniac! you molester! >C
We roamed around a bit then went home.
Lalang... It's soo happy to hear that we're not having classes tom. for our FDR!! :D I won't get to see that horror... ohhh.. the horrorrrr... *toot* :p *peace* Then our DC plate is extended til thurs! One more thing... We're not gonna have P.E class!! whohoo!! soo we made our plans on going to Tash's house and do the plates. Whew! Now I can get my time back for sleep.
Just a thought...
What if Superman's no super at all? He's not kryptonian. He doesn't have any extreme ability... only this:
Haha! Jedi pala sha oh!.. :p
Scribble scribble... have to sleep. must rest... zZz :o Goodnight dear blog... It feels good blurting out nonsense thoughts like I used to. Thank you Father Time for your little sands soo I can waste time through writing. Sweetdreaammzz everyone... xD
Signing off.
..indelible..
To sum it all up... It was a week full of unexpecting events. Shocking, frustrating, sad and of course... happy moments. It was a week wherein I had this great walk in the clouds. although sad consequences followed when it began to change my perspective towards my goal in this new life. I'm yet in this parsimonious stage but rest assure... i'll be back for more updates.
*i'm still waiting for the pics..*
Ergh... i'm really into this but the last thing I remembered was not to get deeper in it. I am soo lost. (
Sorry folks... but only friends closest to me right now know what i'm talking about. If you're interested.. just call me up. ) I told myself that i'd change. In fact, when I listened to the lecture of my Theology professor... the message he was trying to convey to us immediately struck me up. Well... I guess it was only me who dug it seriously since 3/4 of the class were just staring point-blank at him. He's a good speaker. And with the topic of sin and temptation... what more can I expect?
Don't get me wrong. I ain't doing anything bad.
And this covers the others or to what I call 'my neighbor'. But I just can't deny the fact that i'm almost there. The edge of this taciturn life. And then what happens to me once I drift away from this? I guess i'd be in it's what they call the '
kapit sa patalim' situation. (
No, i'm not into drugs, nor alcohol, nor smoking nicotine, nor any nasty vice you'd ever think. ) It's obviously clear that the struggle is within myself and my past.
When in place on the middle of the borderline... there is definitely a side you would undoubtly choose. But which one is it? How can you identify the right one?Is it the past that taught you unacceptable (
by others) happiness.. or the present that teaches you contentment to be happy with yourself.
Only with yourself (which probably gives you an improbable feeling of loneliness)?
Is it the mind that teaches you what others want you to do... (which is actually right but just gives you great skepticism) or the heart that wants you to learn in opening your doors again? (only to find yourself stranded again on achieving the peaceful place where you are right now).
Risks. Geez... Why do we always have to run into these?
I know this entry won't make any sense, but for me... it's as good as for the world to know what i'm grieving into.
I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list
Are you worth risking for? Oh God... Help me in this indelible crisis. :c
Signing off.
.. Miracles do happen ..
As this day ends, I just want to share with you all that it feels great knowing that there's still an existing touch of blitheness around us... despite of the pressure, tension and strain. enough said... :)Anyway, I find this day very memorable. :) basta... :) So as the night ends and i'm still at it... Let me release this...I'm happy. :) and it's been a long time since I felt this.Signing off.
.. shit. ..
What a fucking day... I got a double 5.0 in Freehand Drawing! And it's all because *toot* backfired us with her revenge through our plates that we've worked soooo HARD. So hard that not even a little incentive appeared in her illusional mind. Grr... what a psycho. Well anyway.. I guess there's nothing else to do but give out my best shot. *which happens all the time whenever I spend freaking sleepless nights.*
But what sucks the most are the hassling plates that was given out the previous week... and those that are still yet to come. Oh fuck. Now i'm gonna have to cram it all up.
And this is only the beginning. Now i'm starting to experience the feeling of blaming soo many things.
Shitty things. And what sucks the most is that... there's nothing else to point out but myself.
Looking on the bright side on having a high score in our prelims in P.E... *
2.0: not bad* and some
nice events... I'd still consider this day as another blessing to be experienced. For the mischievous ones that ought to be learned. And little graces that yet, still made me smile.
But right now... i'm still grasping all this feeling inside... The feeling of...
Shit.Signing off.
