I tested and risked that whole month of happiness and inspiration. My friends are right. It's about time to find out what that "whole month" thing really means. I'm not expecting anything. No, truth is, I am quite hoping... but deep inside, I think i'm just making a fool out of myself.
Whenever my mom used to say that she needs me because of her frequent 'Panic attacks', I just think of it as an excuse for attention. For the first time, I feel bad for myself. I didn't realize that advising anyone who is in pain with apathy words such as 'ok lang yan.' is not enough to encourage them and give strength to fight their paranoia. Once again, experiencing it isn't a fulfilling situation. Getting hurt because of your loss of control from that person made you weak from being the strong, happy person you were. I'm not saying that because of this, i'd go back to her and say sorry for realizing all this shit. I just want make myself realize that after tomorrow, if that special person doesn't communicate anymore, then I might as well plunge a "Don't you get it" signage into my head and stop hoping for the last time. That person is just.. different. My friend may be right. Maybe that person does look at me ONLY as a friend. Nothing else. Oh well, what should I do? Then just be who that VIP wants me to be.
It just happened. The challenge text just happened. I didn't want to respond that way.. Neither can I stand and resist the overflowing tension of giving in to the temptation. But like I said, after tomorrow, if I still don't get any text, haii... sad to say, my dream has been crushed. It's time to move on.
I don't want to lose this for the third time.. please Lord, make it work. It really kills me. :c
posted by the only juz @ 7/09/2007 11:13:00 PM
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