The Screen Junkie

..the fear to reminisce..

Couldn't sleep last night because I know it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees. Learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that weakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give to you forever. I love you. i'll be seeing you. - The Notebook

I should be sleeping by now... Resting from today's work and empowerment for my restraint body. Then just a while ago I felt the urge of checking other blogs and found interesting pictures of my high school life. Thanks to Ivy Maure I present to you the face of my past.

(L-R:)The Threesome! ; Mau, Juz and Kai

The first complete pic of T.22.

Anyway.. If you want to view more pics... Visit her blog nalang.. Haha! I can't stop laughing at myself... Seeing my hair progressed compared to the ones in these pics. :p But anyway.. I miss my barx.. (.T.22 :p)

And it's not only that... I miss my friends from high school.

Don't get me wrong... Having a new life (college life) with new friends actually helps me to cope up and be happy in moving on. I love my new friends. :) It's just that... you can never escape the fact that when you're all alone.. you can't avoid bringing up any of these past memories to the present... So all you can do is reminisce.

Sharing out a dismal piece may actually free your mind from sadness and perplexity.

(In short.. drama time.. :s Haii.. *pagbigyan*)

Little by little... It made me realize that I was always filled with cowardice. I fear what I know is best for me and for others. I fear what it is to risk and cannot change what has been done. I fear what I am capable of especially when hardships and sacrifices are bound to happen anytime. I fear on losing the ones I love... not even a chance of being able to fight back... and I fear the answers to all these mind-boggling questions that I wouldn't even dare to ask.

But if I knew this ever since... Why prolong it? Why seclude these confessions only now?... Why let the mind suffer by depriving it from happiness? Why still get the feeling of being stuck? What distracts me from doing my destined task? Why still wait for signs to show up when all I have to do is blurt out the exact words from these hidden thoughts? Why still be a confidante who tries to convince herself everyday, to think positive thoughts yet still doubt or just reason out nalang the famous 'Bayaan mo na'.. or.. Bahala na si Lord..? I dunno.. Until when will this confusion last? :o

If I could only face these fears and live up to that face saying 'Let it go now' without any regret... Then I guess I can say... it's finally over... And so have I accomplished in conquering the alter-ego that dominates this existence.

If only..

If only I knew how. :'c

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/27/2005 06:30:00 PM 0 Comments

..Updates on Superman Returns..

Entertainment Weekly has finally released an ish about the next Superman flick!

Finally...

An article posted on EW's website... Brandon Routh & Kate Bosworth

People of Steel

Ages 25, 22

Mustworthiness Here in the golden age of the superhero flick, there has been no shortage of princes. Spider-Man. Batman. The X-Men. Yet all are mere pretenders to a long-vacant throne. On June 30, 2006, Warner Bros. gives us the return of the king — otherwise known as Superman Returns. EW was the first publication on the set in Sydney. We've met the Man of Steel. We've seen him fly. And while it's too early to tell whether the film truly soars, there is little doubt that Brandon Routh is worthy of the royal red cape.

Star Trek Namely, is Routh (pronounced like mouth) prepared for his life to change forever? ''I have no idea. But I am prepared to be prepared,'' laughs the actor, relaxing in the grassy plaza outside the Daily Planet set after a long afternoon of being hoisted up and down in his Superman suit. Routh, from tiny Norwalk, Iowa (pop. 6,000), is affable, reflective, and confident, despite his relative inexperience (big résumé line: He did a year on One Life to Live). ''I was always dead set on casting an unknown,'' says director Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects, X-Men). ''Brandon embodied the character the best — his acting talent, physical presence, and personality.

''Life in the Fast Lane ''I'm ready for this,'' says Kate Bosworth, making the leap to leading lady after notable turns in Blue Crush and Win a Date With Tad Hamilton. ''I'm just glad my 'breakout' wasn't a gigantic film. I feel solid in myself now.'' Singer cast Bosworth after watching her performance as Sandra Dee in Beyond the Sea, the Bobby Darin biopic directed by the new Lex Luthor, Kevin Spacey. ''I saw it twice and fell for her,'' says Singer. To test his potential stars, the director used one of the film's most emotionally charged scenes, in which Superman and Lois reunite atop the Daily Planet after five years apart. ''The chemistry was palpable.''

Steeling the Deal Singer and Routh met for the first time at a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset Boulevard in L.A. the morning the director left for Australia to begin preproduction. ''I knew I would know within 30 seconds if it was a no-go,'' says Singer, who found the tall, athletically built Routh sitting at a table. ''He stood up — and up, and up, and up. I said, 'Okay...''' Drinks were ordered. An awkward moment fumbling for napkins suggested Routh could do goofy-bumbly Clark Kent comedy. Though it would take months to make Routh official, Singer left for Sydney knowing ''I had my Superman. And I think he knew it too.'

Sheesh... I'm in desperate need of this issue.

Now I can imagine how they'll look alike in the big screen. :o But for some reasons i've noticed that... somehow, Brandon Routh resembles to Maksim the pianist. hahaha especially with this shot.

Anyway... Just updating.. :p I can't wait til next year! and i'll be waiting for this. I hope the story'll be good. cuz it's a must-seen movie for me... wahaha :o

posted by the only juz @ 6/26/2005 02:53:00 PM 0 Comments

..FOR PATRICIA ANN CONCEPCION ROQUE..

Sige.. Hope you have fun on yer 17th bertdei.. :p TUMATANDA KA NA!!! hahaha I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH besty!!!!!! mwah!!

posted by the only juz @ 6/26/2005 12:00:00 AM 0 Comments

..ineluctable as gravity..

Whew! After several days of extracting myself from posting in this beloved journal... At last.. I've driven myself from putting down my F pencil or whatever they call it and be able to net... Hmm.. there are soo many things I want to share. Soo I guess I should start it off with the first day of the week....

Sunday; Father's Day.

My sunday was a blast! My mom bought me a new pair of mules from Adidas in replacement of my old sneakers. We gave my gramps a new shirt... and what else??

Do you ever think about me.. Do you ever cry yourself to sleep... In the middle of the night are you awake.. Are you calling out for me?

At first I thought it was just a quote. A quote soo short? Til I found out lately it was a song from Brian Mcknight's 6,8,12. Haii... Shocking events occured. Basta.. I wouldn't think it's such a good idea to share the whole thing especially when other peeps can read this and take grievous effects on it's content. Basta... hehehehe

But anyway...

It's my second week in UST and what do I expect?? requirements.. new stuffs to buy again.. new profs.. and HOMEWORKS! haii.. it's a good thing i'm still in the mood to accomplish these obligations. Oh.. Our sched sucks. It changes after a span of time until my newly printed class sched truly runs out of purpose! But now I shall present to you my subjects and significant events that happened for this week...

For Monday :
Design and Color; Sir Pacena; 7th flr; 8-12nn
English (Boring....); *forgot the prof's name..; 2nd to the coldest room; 1-4pm

*we introduced ourselves through graphical images or what we call... drawing. Hala.. then we introduced ourselves *again* through communication naman.

Tuesday:
Lettering; Sir Pollarco; 12-4:00pm

*half-day.. spent my morning preparing my homework in MDR, then went to St. Paul to pick up some stuffs.. then commuted my way to UST. Went to National after... missed some chances with important peepz.. commuted my way to my old folks' house.

Wednesday:
Outdoor Freehand Drawing; Ms. Becares; 7-11am

P.E. Folk Dance 20; naman...; 3-5:00pm

*I hate this day. I thought we had no prof since it was an hour and a half since the bell rang.. *kelan pa pala nagkabell dun? :o stupeeedd...* Then went to the botanical garden for our first plate.. *akala ko talaga plato! sheesh! inexplain pa sakin nung prof.. kahiya!* Then we waited til 3. wa dah hell are we supposed to do but waste time... so we waited.. and waited.. til we had our orientation for P.E. I bonded with the most quiet member of our grp. Maybelle. :p and to our Gentleman blockmate Ryu. Anyway.. we went off to the Gym.

It lavishly freaked me out! It was like being back in St. Paul again.. it was the feeling of the intramurals setting every sweat high back from your pores... The only difference was.. It's for the opening of the UAAP season.

GO USTE! GO USTE! SANTO TOMAS SPELLING! SANTO TOMAS SPELLING! (But I still can't figure out what we were trying to spell.. :p)

P-PO-POWER THE POWER! WHOOO! The *grouching tiger* :o (shet yan! bloopers galore in front of the higher batches.) Great thanks to our good ol' blockmate Ryu.. We had fun trying to catch up even though we truly sucked. YESS GENTLEMAN! :p

Then dinner at 7 with my old friends.. :) Unfortunately, one of our nameless barx is leaving for the states.

L-R: Rosz writing in our goodbye card for Angel; Rosz feeding the queen a very reddy cherry... hahaha *labyu rosz!!*; Angel... who hates taking candid shots especially when it's her face we're talkin.. :p; Rosz and I Para sa close up contest daw; A nice pic featuring Helen's two fingers as our frame.. :p; and lastly... A last shot with the despedida girl..; oh.. did I say last? candid toh! di nya alam! :p haha IM GONNA MISS YOU ANGELIICCAAAAA!!!!!! :s

We had our sweet goodbyes, went home at exactly 10... slept soundly.

Thursday:

Anatomy; 7-11 am; Sir Valenzuela

Our prof seems to have forgotten our beloved class. But we're happy! :p



With our new friend Tash! :p

Since we were dismissed very early, our gimikera bud Tash invited us and other blockmates to SM West to watch Monster-In-Law. Then one of our blockmates suggested that SM Manila is more convenient since it was just a short ride away. We grouped into 3... then went off.

As soon as we got there, we ate first at Mcdo then to the moviehouse. Since the sched won't make it to our next class.. we planned to sing our lungs out nalang... so we went to the Videoke instead, basta... we had sooo much fun! and to think it wasn't cutting classes pa ha.. :p

We sang...
Burn - I WILL SURVIVE!! waha the best! - Dancing Queen - As Long as you love me (yess! BSB is da best! nyahaha) - Thanks to you

UNFORTUNATELY... we were late for...

Comprehensive Technique CTEC; Sir Caaway; 11:30-4 pm

With the coldest rm I've ever been to, I spent the whole period, yawning and freezing to death cuz we had our first discussion. At least we were dismissed early. DARN SCHED! Now we only have a 30 min. break from Anatomy. It was only 1 soo here we are.. wasting time again. One achievement I made was that i've finally submitted our MDR works to Sir Araw! whew! then I bonded with my guy pals til it was qtr. to 4.

Good ol' Ryan accompanied me from the pedicab to the LRT til it was my last stop. Thanks a many Bondad!! hahaha

Next Stop... St. Paul..

Finally, I met my old angkan... :'s surely missed them soo much... I was also able to bond with two someones whom I haven't talked to for a long 2x time. *Di nga? tumaba ka? haha jke!* That one's to Hannah... and the other one with my pal Ana.

Ana and I bonded in the LRT station til we ran out of excuses for missing our rides... As we finally say our goodbyes, I rode the last jeep. I noticed a green little post-it slipped inside my blouse's pocket... Somehow, I smiled and from then on.. I kept on singing the lyrics of my boo over and over inside my head until I reached my home.

That night, for once, I was able to use the phone with full sense. I coped up with an old friend until I realized that whatever happens, this cycle will never turn out as a happy ending.

But wait, my gramps gave me his palm device. *haha para daw di na ko sabog!* I was soo shocked thinking that it was once his most priceless possesion and now he's entrusting it to me.

Friday:

WE HAVE NO CLASSES!!!! I love MANILA! you rak! :p

This was a bonding day for me and my gramps. We went to my dentist first, then to places we could let my palm's Irda be fixed. To Galleria to buy gifts, materials for school, then Cinnabon to fix our handheld devices.

I spent the whole evening, holding my F pencil to finish off my FDR homework. *este.. PLATE* naks! whatta term... hehehe

Saturday:

Went to school late but arrived early since there wasn't any traffic.

Filipino ; F 405; Ms. Jimenez

This prof arrived and lectured us til 8.

Even saw Bespren Rosz on our way to the Medical Arts bldg.

At 8, we had our orientation but didn't listen by playing Text Twist, then back to our bldg. to resume class. GRR...

Theology; F 301; Sir Ortega

This guy left but made us write an essay about what we learned from the orientation. *Tamad mode* called up Glenn (:s) til he immediately arrived. I answered the essay within 5 minutes which was definitely a work out of.. Bara bara.. or Procrastination. After that, we went to the Dean's office to pray the rosary. The sad part... classes still resumed without any breaks. :o We discussed the reason why we should all go to mass and celebrate it every sunday. When he called me I answered it was for gratitude. But the answer was just simply because... It was for Justice.

Justice that comes deeply from within. It's basis is how we are willing to show that quality to him. And when we say we are 'required'. It's not because we are forced to do it.. But to show us aspects and different reasons why we should do it.

...I think (hahaha)

But thank goodness he gave us a 30 minute break! We immediately ate at Lopez's canteen and went back at exactly 1. We had our tour which I really enjoyed.. :p Not to mention we have freebies... I have now obtained little by little.. knowledge on being a true Thomasian.

I rode the jeep and arrived at my gramps's house at exactly 3... bathed from yucky to clean... a little tired from doing a favor for my grandma by playing my classical pieces.. then went home.

AT LONG LAST I HAVE COME TO THE VERY END OF THIS ENTRY. I've been looking forward on posting ever since the start of the week. Due to insufficient time allotted, I shall now therefore, end this cuz I have a lot of notes to rewrite and plates to revise.

Cge.. Bara bara lang..

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/25/2005 09:53:00 PM 0 Comments

There's always that one person that will always have your heart.

You'll never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start...

Know that you're that one for me, it's clear for everyone to see..

Ooh baby... ooh... you'll always be my boo.

--------------------

Ooh, ooh

Do you ever think about me?

Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?

In the middle of the night when you're awake,

Are you calling out for me?

Do you ever reminisce?

I can't believe I'm acting like this

I know it's crazy

How I still can feel your kiss


It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours

Since you went away

I miss you so much and I don't know what to say

I should be over you

I should know better but it's just not the case

It's been six months, eight days, twelve hours

Since you went away


Do you ever ask about me?

Do your friends still tell you what to do?

Every time the phone rings,

Do you wish it was me calling you?

Do you still feel the same?

Or has time put out the flame?

I miss you

Is everything okay?


It's hard enough just passing the time

When I can't seem to get you off my mind

And where is the good in goodbye?

Tell me why, tell me why

posted by the only juz @ 6/25/2005 07:09:00 PM 0 Comments

..when there's nothing to do..

Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

Hmm.. I would consider that.. :p

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!

to all you great daddies out there!! and to mine of course. :p

Tumatanda ka na talaga dad!!!!! hahaha

Anyway.. I'm gonna rest first until later then see if I can still do something worthwile before this vacant day ends. :p

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/19/2005 10:53:00 AM 0 Comments

..The first week of the new Thomasian..

Maybelle . Juz . Ivy . Basilio *este* Bam... :p

The Second day. Thursday

The usual routine. Got up at 5, drank my coffee, prepared all the stuffs, rode the FX, then met my friends. Here we didn't meet our profs. It was as if they were still on vacation, leaving us with nothing to do. On the contrary, it was luck for me. For the first subject which was in Anatomy... we didn't do anything except for my crazy idea of playing P.A.N.T.S. as if we were elementary kids. As for English, I met my other blockmates and made friends with them. We were dismissed an hour later, rode the jeep, then the trike, got home at 3... then SLEPT til 5. :p

The Third day. Friday

I was expecting another free day for our block. Unfortunately, the 2 aircons didn't work then we met our 2nd professor. A Sir Benjamin Araw who will be teaching us in Mechanical Drawing described his life as an achievement for success. But somehow, the effect of sitting in front near the prof's table turned out the way I predicted what was bound to happen. I was the example, the assistant, and the bait. :p haha We had our first activity and I was the one assigned to collect the works. The funny thing was.. he couldn't pronounce my name. Jozz.. hahhaa

Our new hangout is at SR Thai.

The 2nd subject which happens to be the Comprehensive Technique or the CTEC turned out as another chika sessions with my classmates cuz the prof wasn't also there. I met again new friends until they dismissed us after an hour... rode the jeep, visited my family in Cubao then commuted my way home to my old folks.

And for this day.

We met our prof in Filipino and found her hmm... okay.. :) kalog but also hmm.. tackless? :p She dismissed us early then we stayed at Mini-stop with my friends and our new blockmates. As for the 2nd subject which is Theology... we met our prof and didn't even orient us about the subject itself. Instead, he introduced us to their somewhat like Intramurals but opens only for varsity players. Sori naa.. no chance for cheering! hahaha

Luckily, we were dismissed early soo I left UST to meet with my dad at SM north. Another exploration for me! wuhoo! Soo i've finally met him at Mcdo with my sis... bought some stuffs, then to shopwise for the grocery then to his house to watch Sin City. Finally, i've finished it! The movie was soo nice and yeah violent. But I guess it's because I haven't seen these types of films for a long time. Since Jessica had to go to her choir and my dad for his work, we left the house at 3 and said our goodbyes. :s

Meeting new people and exploring new places can actually release the frozen mind from the wounded heart. It comes with the package of nice friends who laughs with you all the time and makes you forget uncertain thoughts of sadness nor jaundice... and turns any given day, a sunny one. For me, my first week's a blast! :) with soo many friends, and cool professors... I just hope it won't turn out as the exact opposite I've previously thought of.

(L-R:) New friend Madz with Juz and Bam . Juz and Basilio :p . Maybelle, Juz and Ivy

They describe my department as the college that never sleeps. I may not have anything to do now, but I do hope is that when pressure arrives, I'd be able to cope up and won't give up the fight. I'm running out of thoughts...

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/18/2005 05:18:00 PM 0 Comments

..not the first day funk..

Well.. My grandma woke me up very early and made me leave at quarter to 6. I was supposed to meet a friend at 6am at Jollibee to ride the jeep with her... But she got there 20 mins. later. Sooo what did I do? Just waited and watched jeepneys pass and go. I arrived in UST at 7:20 and Claire met me as I ended the *where are you?* call. We saw our batchmates there (Joanna, Maris, Marte, Toni and Krisselle). It was a good thing Claire advised me to wear civilian first cuz know why?

Classes were postponed.

Grr.. But anyway, after we bonded with the others... Claire and I had our commuting adventures to UE cuz we were supposed to meet up with Vinna. After the long walk... We finally got there and held the meeting place at Wendy's. Unexpectingly, Steph was there with Vinna. Also unexpectingly crazy, she asked me to go with her in St. Paul to visit our friends from the lower levels. The truth is... I had no plans. And there was my heart... beating fast. I hesitated at first, but she was able to convince me later on. Somehow I wouldn't want to regret not facing my fears so instead of going home with non-stop blurbing of the mind... I prepared.

As we reach the gates of our former school. We saw our other batchmates and you know the typical reactions. Same goes to my other friends whom I've gotten really close with and other teachers I used to bond with. I met Portia and Nadine. We just stayed in the 3rd floor until we decided to see the new seniors.

I didn't feel the beat anymore. It was replaced with excitement and joy. Not seeing your friends for a very long time truly longed for the bond you've held on soo tight. Then there it was... My fear. I knew i'll be seeing that face again. The once held but forgotten past. I felt a little pinch back there.. But I kept on and focused more on my true purpose for spending my time there instead of going home. As I notice my other friends... I tried to hold on to my present thought. Was it self-denial? pretentions? *deadma mode ka nalang?* But I didn't let it dominate... and it was an added point for me. I saw other people... special ones whom I've happily seen and embraced. :) Asaran, kulitan, landian haha.

When we decided to leave, my ex-research teacher Ms. Joy asked me if I wasn't busy soo we can hang-out. Oh did I agree so much! :p Then we bonded and talked about crazy things. Things that made me feel like a real kolehiyala. :p hidden issues not bound to be known to the public. Well of course, the paulinian public. After that we went back to school and shockingly found my other batchmates sitting in-front of the highschool office. Soo I joined them and bonded til we grew in abundance and dominated the 2nd floor corridor once again. I miss these champs! ;p

When they decided to eat out, I was supposed to go... but my friend Nicole asked me to stay. My other kabarkada Cyan stayed with us too... And planned to eat out with the Kada01. Since their newly built schedule sucked a lot! including time... Cyan and I decided to go home. Carpool... aww.. miss that. While waiting, I saw my other friends and greeted them. Even the once faded thrill came into my sight. And there I felt slight bliss I have lost for a long long time. :)

Then the scars flared again as I felt the presence coming forth, ignoring this with pure might. But the hell??! I just want it to heal. Soo I can finally move on. Well I guess it's not that easy right? But hey.. I'd still stand up to the decision i've made. No regrets. :)

And as for the bright side, I was soo happy seeing my fellow alumnae. And even with my classes moved, and fears I've faced... There are still those whom I cannot trade in with anything else.... My Friends. :)

Tomorrow is the official class day... and I'm wearing my uniform with a smile inside and out! :p

WISH ME LUCK! ;)

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/14/2005 07:14:00 PM 0 Comments

..flashback til today..

The truth is... I'm scared. To be a freshman again.. To see new faces.. To cope up with academics.. To Love or Hate my new professors. I don't know what'll happen. But I hope tomorrow will be a good start for me cuz i'm off to enter a new stage in my life.

Yesterday.. I was a toddler. An Hssian. A Paulinian. But now, i'm no longer a kid.

and yes... I am now.. a Thomasian.

No longer will I be dropped off by our driver Kuya Lito. No longer shall be scolded by my piano teacher. or whatever things I used to do.

Enough said.. I'm just nervous..

Signing off..

posted by the only juz @ 6/13/2005 07:34:00 PM 0 Comments

..as my summer ends..

My off to weekend blows away as I start waking up early 5am in the morning. I've been gping to my cousins' schools such as SPPC and Ateneo to drop them off, then head straight home to keep myself busy from sleeping again. *which didn't turn out the way it should..* Then as the week starts to end...

Thursday:
* Sealed and filled my dentures by my 1st Dentist at the Cathedral Heights. (AM)
* Took off my wisdom tooth by my 2nd Dentist. (PM)

Friday:
* Just slept the whole morning and practiced the piano with my old classical pieces. nanibago si lola sa aking biglaang paghilig.

Saturday:
* Stayed at home again with my cousins and brought the PS2 back to life with FFX.. Aeons rock!! :p

* Watched this GREAT movie in the Hallmark Channel. Another masterpiece beautifully written by Mitch Albom (Tuesday's with Morrie).

Today:

It was a bonding day with my grandparents. Since my mom can't pick me up cuz they had no plans to go out... My grandma asked us to go out and watch a movie. Bago yun ah! She's not the movie type kasi eh. Soo we hitched with my aunt and went to Galleria to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Hmm.. not bad.. :) It's not that ugly... Funny and cute.. you name it! Cute pa ni BRAD PITT! But I must say.. Bitin. No wonder this was the cause of Jen & Brad's break-up. :o Nuf sed.




We ate at Pancake house and there, my gramps met her sister. Soo they just stayed in there while I was able to raid the shops and buy the things i'll be needing for ya know.. *college..* then I came back.. They said their goodbyes.. My gramps bought blank CDs in his fave comp shop. Then rode the cab.. then finally reached home. :)

It was nice bonding with them. I felt like i'm a kid again... But matured. *wenk! di nga?? :p* and since i'm not in the mood to blog cuz i'm chatting up with my highschool friends...

2 days to go as my new life awaits. I'll surely miss summer. :s

I'm Signing off..

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!! :D

posted by the only juz @ 6/12/2005 06:29:00 PM 0 Comments

..an entry that caught my eye..

Claiming that this day is a break for me... I've come up with a way to dispatch boredom. I've always wanted to check out other peepz's blog, and so I did. Not to mention I have always been a Star Wars fanatic, i'd like to post this extreme work of art by someone whom I haven't even met. It took me VERY SERIOUS TIME to read this dramatic entry, but with it, I now see the humane Darth Vader has incarcerated.

FOR THE STAR WARS FAN:

Darth Vader Superstar

My name is Anakin Skywalker.

I was born forty-nine years ago, less a day. I was born a slave, as billions are born slaves. When I was a child I did not immediately imagine that I deserved freedom, for this was not my mother's attitude. Suffering was to be endured. She admitted a patient hope for less cruel masters, when we were between them. She taught that if freedom was in our destinies, fate would find us.

We were not starved, and were seldom beaten. I didn't think it was so bad. My mother Shmi and I looked out for one another. When the loathsome Gardulla the Hutt lost us to Watto the junk-dealer I got my first chance to take machines apart and put them back together, and it was amazing. The more I fixed things the more things Watto gave me to fix. My mother was also profitable. It was a happy relationship that more than halfway resembled a family, much like the one Watto had lost years before on Toydaria.

Everything changed after the Mandalorian came. With a cold manner he made his cruel desires plain. My mother refused him. Watto backed her up and the Mandalorian attacked him, casting him about the shop like a sack of meal. He could not protect her. I ran out and stuck a knife in the Mandalorian's thigh. He struck back at me savagely. I lay dazed in the corner as he laughed and turned on my mother.

I could not protect her.

I was six.

That is when the dreams began, in which I could fix the mechanisms of life as easily as I could machines. At night I saw an elaborate tapestry of iridescent threads that connected all things to all others, backwards and forwards through time forever. To play a song upon its fibres required only the gentlest flexing of my mind, the resonating harmonies describing new patterns in the network of connection that in turn rippled through to the arrangement of real things. The dreams were incredible. Like flying. Like being free.

One night near Boonta Eve I was working to exhaustion to repair Watto's sponsored racer in time for the next day's qualifier. I was so tired I began to dream with my eyes open. I could see the strands that bound all things with my waking vision, swimming and forking in reaction to my thoughts and movements. Suddenly the solution to a vexing problem with the starboard thruster was as clear as day -- it was obvious, when one could read between the lines.

And then I dreamed that I wielded a sword of fire, and that I slay any enemy that stood in my path. I dreamed I was a warrior, and that I could protect everybody. It was better than flying. I was a hero.

I mentioned the dreams idly to my mother one day. To my surprise she took the matter very seriously. "Anakin," she said, touching my shoulders and looking into my eyes, "has anyone ever told you about the Jedi?"

I shook my head. "What's a Jedi?"

"They are warrior-monks from the Republic. Their weapons are laser-swords."

"Just like in my dream!"

"Just like in your dream," she echoed. "You are a very special boy, Anakin, and I believe that the Force speaks through you."

"What's the Force?"

She smiled and closed her eyes for a moment, asking me to do the same. I closed my eyes. She said, "Anakin, in the quietest night, without sand-crickets or womp-rats, when the temperature is so perfect you can't even feel your blanket, and everything is still, and your mind is quiet...even if you seal out every part of the world you feel -- there is still something there."

"Yes," I whispered.

"That is the Force, Anakin," she said, putting her hand on my heart. "And it will never leave you. It is always there for us. It is a part of being alive."

That was a long, long time ago.

It is she, Shmi Skywalker, who haunts my thoughts tonight as I stare out over the night forest of Endor's moon. I miss her. But in some ways she is alive again, for I saw her spectre in my son's eyes, and heard it in his voice. It was a like physical blow.

Galaxy save me.

My son said, "I know there is good in you. The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully. That was why you couldn't destroy me, that's why you won't bring me to your Emperor now."

He looked out into the forest spread out beneath the landing platform, his back to me. I ignited his light-sabre, its green glow filling the corridor. Smooth action, nice gyroscopic response. I always end up fiddling around with gadgets whenever somebody says something that makes me feel uncomfortable. "I see you have constructed a new light-sabre," I said, retracting the blade and turning the handle over in my hands. "Your skills are complete. Indeed you are powerful as the Emperor has foreseen."

I turned away then, my feelings threatening my composure and the stability of my left leg. I felt Luke's mind open to my own, reading my heart in a rush of communication I was too slow to interrupt. His thoughts were flavoured like mine, and my defenses could not discern them. His mind is mine.

"Come with me," he implored suddenly.

Through the fabric of the Force I could feel him reaching out to me, his hand open. It just about broke my heart. Only Shmi Skywalker knew love that pure, and I felt her spirit stir within him to my horror and shame. I took hold of the railing, fearing I would fall.

And then I felt the slithering tentacles of Darth Sidious' mind descend upon my consciousness, encircling my wounded heart and cooling it. A voice in my thoughts asked me what destiny of chaos I would have the galaxy face if not for the strength of the enduring New Order. My spirit suffused with a dark light, and my leg began to feel normal again.

I turned around to face my son. "You don't understand the power of the dark side. I must obey my master."

Luke made his appeal again, stepping up to me and searching my lenses with his eyes. "I feel the conflict with you, let go of your hate!"

Poor fool, if only he knew. Innocent as a junior temple youngling, he parroted the dead preachings of an extinct order of loveless charlatans. If only the difference between dark and light were so simple as not being afraid. He cannot conceive of the fear he must know if he is to face the burden of the true Force.

It is too late for me. My hour has come and gone. Words would gain us nothing. And I could stand the torment of his gaze no longer. I ordered Skywalker be flown up to the Death Star without further delay. "...My father is truly dead," said my son as the lift closed.

My leg drooped and I stepped over to the railing again, facing my own dim reflection in the windows. My throat filled with bile as I considered that I had just lost the faith of the one person in this universe who would forgive me, and whose love could redeem me. I have just closed the door on my salvation...

My name is Anakin Skywalker, and I am responsible for the death of my mother, because I broke our bond to pursue my ambition. I am responsible for the death of my wife, the mother of my child, the only woman strong enough and smart enough to win my faith. I am responsible for the death of Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi, who once tried to show me the real meaning of friendship and loyalty. And then there was Qui-gon Jinn who could have been like the father I never had, but Palpatine stole him from me.

Palpatine!

I think I have always hated him, channeling my jealousy at his power and dignity into a sick kind of devotion. I wanted him to love me, but he is not really a man with a heart -- whatever daemon rules him has its tonsils deep in the darkest layers of this galaxy.

I know now that my master, Darth Sidious the Emperor Palpatine, means to betray the Sith and subvert the prophecy. He means to replace me with my son as his prodigal servant. So armed he means to rule the stars himself, forever.

This job has a glass ceiling.

I should never have been born. Without me, Palpatine would be lost. I was essential. But now I am nothing. My very life inside this mechanized mockery of a body relies on the raw power of the dark side that is focused through him. I could not be without his blessing. And his blessing fails, so I go to join Tyrannus.

I was not strong enough. I have failed everyone.

...And yet, there is my son with Shmi in his eyes -- a product of love, before the storm. He is no Jedi, for his passion blows too hot, but perhaps he is not Sith, either. He is an instrument of change. He is the catalyst at the centre, the fulcrum on which pivot fates. To see him is to be blinded by the glory of the Force that orbits him like living netting.

My meditation was interrupted by the scintillating spirit of Qui-gon Jinn appearing at my elbow. "Anakin," he called, his voice sounding far away. "Take heart: the prophecy is fulfilled on the morrow."

"But how?" I asked, shaking my head. "How can that be? What can I do?"

Qui-gon's eyes sparkled. "You will make the right decision, when the choice lies before you."

"Sidious must die, but I cannot slay him. And Luke cannot hope to have enough power to do so himself."

"There are different kinds of power," Qui-gon pointed out. "You are the Son of Suns. Nothing can change that, Ani. Just because you cannot see the path does not mean it is not beneath your feet."

And with that he faded away, leaving me alone.

The world crept back in. First crickets, then the buzzing lights of the corridor, the call of a raptor, the rustling leaves. The living Force undulated around me, my breath carried away to mix with the wind. I drank deep. One must never forget to taste the present, the fleeting, sweetest moment you can ever know no matter how many adventures you pursue. There is nothing like the now, to cleanse you.

Qui-gon was right. My mother was, too. The Force has shaped this life of mine, from birth to this holy now. Every turn in the path has been an instruction in a series of lessons designed to make me the monster I am, to breed my unwilling heart for whatever lies ahead tomorrow.

Qui-gon said I would have a choice. I cannot fathom it but I have faith.

If he's right, I need not die a slave.

The sun is rising. Morning birds are singing. The mist is burning off the trees. I have already delayed too long. I must join my son on the Death Star, and bring him before my master. Come what may.

And so, dear reader, I must bid you adieu. You have been along with me for much, but you cannot join me on this final journey.

I go now to meet my destiny.

posted by the only juz @ 6/08/2005 03:30:00 PM 0 Comments

..T.29 <- huh? :p..

Kai just got home from Boston so they planned on hanging out before school comes. We spent the whole day in Galleria with Mule and Den. 2 different barx... 1 common thing: Fun.

Our meeting place was at the Kitchen where they had lunch first, then chikas to cope up. We were soo noisy we didn't even care about other peepz who were dining there. But the hell?! There were only 2 tables occupied. :P hmm.. Before I forget.. Sorry ulet Den!!! :s haha di na ko magsasalita pramis!! Wanna know why? All I can say is.. Bad Joke. Never mind. hehehe

Carla and the other Kaduhver friends separated while the T's went out searching for my school bag. We went to this store and bumped into this model when we were about to leave.

Looks familiar right? She's Olivia Daytia from the Max commercial with Piolo a.k.a Isabel. She was soo pretty. Kai was mesmerized with her beauty that my besty tried to convince me to go back and buy the Puma bag we saw earlier. Haha wag naaaaa...

Then we met again with the others at Adidas, then to Nike Women, then to Toby's... but with no luck, we just couldn't find the right bag. My ideal bag: not too big, not too small, not too expensive. We finally met Ishi with her guy pal and scanned for some more shops. Kai and Carla decided to separate first to go to the lavatory and meet us at the cinemas. Den, Besty, Mule and the others gave up the search with me and headed straight to the moviehouse. Ishi didn't want to watch Sin City, Mule had to meet up with Anne for their cotillion practice, while Den, Carla, Kai, Trish, and I were running late for the 4:40 movie. We bought snacks first at Taters then went inside. FINALLY! I can now watch my most awaited movie. UNFORTUNATELY... My time was up. It was already 6 and my sundo was already outside. I had to argue with my grandma but eventually gave in. Soo in short, I still didn't appreciate my 100php ticket to satisfaction. I haven't even bought any bag! Dammit. :c

Soo Trish and I had to go down to Gold's gym as instructed to be fetched. While going down the elevator, I saw Lee's and scanned inside... Hopefully, to find my right bag. Then.... "THERE IT IS!" but.. it was Two 'almost perfect ones'. We had a rough time deciding especially with my poor kind of judgment. Cuz I always have a hard time when it comes to choosing the right item. My besty chose the denim-flexible type, but I was hooked by the red little one. Not too little. :p Soo I decided on getting both. Besty was unsure for me of buying both... but I was. And then I remembered what Ate Len told me earlier.. Don't spend it all in one place. I-save mo. But I didn't think that way. ^_^ UNFORTUNATELY... My money was short by 30php! Grrr!! Soo we had to decide again.

DEBATE. DEBATE. DEBATE. WHICH IS IT?!?

Well.. I chose the bag with my fave color in it. The red little one. Eh.. I figured it suited my personality. Soo it was over and I guess i'm gonna buy the other one in some other time. It wasn't meant to be bought pa.

I've realized...

God really does have a great way on choosing what is right for us. We may have the money or whatever variables we have... but, if it's not meant for us, he'll find a way to push it opposite our direction and make sure we'll use our own given freedom to decide for the right one. GALING.. :) And I was happy for buying the one I chose. ;p I was able to save pa! :p Sana ganun din sa lovelife... hihihi


Sino kaya dito yung halatang nagsuklay bago magpapiktyur??

My entry ends here. I surely enjoyed the last leg of my highschool life with my highschool friends. Thanks guyz!!

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/07/2005 06:06:00 PM 0 Comments

..ang aking krash..

posted by the only juz @ 6/06/2005 01:45:00 AM 0 Comments

..a time to pamper yourself..

posted by the only juz @ 6/05/2005 11:58:00 PM 0 Comments

..shutter..

Glorietta 4... Another weekend with the movies. I was supposed to watch Sin City all by myself cuz the others were unstoppable on watching this flick. But anyway, I agreed to go with them and found the theatre line soo long... It was like after 20 years before we could get in. It was pretty obvious that this movie has awaited everyone including foreigners. Maybe tourists who stayed beyond the hotel boundaries of Makati. Anyway, we picked up my uncle's sons, then bought first some school stuffs til the whole department was already closing up. Due to some early bird closure, the only restaurant left for us to sup up was at Italliani's. Yeah, the food was good.. pasta, pizza, salad, and the whole bunch of calamari (:o but the price was hell! haha I told them to eat mongolian! :p but hey... no regrets. :) We were soo stuffed we didn't even attempt to eat popcorn anymore. We even practiced 11-year old Jessica to cheat her age! :p Tell them you're an incoming sophomore! :p

The story is bounded with mysteries you won't even expect to happen. You'd think it's just another ghost, cursing everyone, even innocent people and kills them in an instant by just staring at them and the next minute you see, that victim's jaw has already dropped out! and I mean literally... It's a little emotional because you yourself would understand the purpose in the ghost's actions and the creepy visual effects that'll hook you in. Cuz i'm sure, after you watch this one, you'd be walking out of the moviehouse talking about it; The details, extra movements, simultaneous expressions such as AH KAYA PALA... or SABI KO NA EH.. and maybe even ANG GALING.. :) It won't disappoint you. ;)

The movie is freakin scary! and I recommend this thai flick to everyone! Kids! Beware.. ehehe Hmm.. The fact that this movie's unique twist captured my attention, I'd say the typical short-Sadako effect won't bother you up. As for the bad side.. it's the deafening sound effects that kills me! The male lead character looks a lot like John Estrada... and the girly ghost? hmm.. John Lapus? :p only better! haha Don't worry... I bet you'll describe this as an Uncrappy horror flick you won't forget. Your penny's worth a lot in spending with this one. ;)

Signing off.

posted by the only juz @ 6/05/2005 11:10:00 AM 0 Comments

..asian movies..

that scared me out!

1 - Ring
*Everyone knows this. Cuz it's the first right? this is where original Sadako was born. The first time I watched this it raised my paranoia out! :s

2 - The Grudge
*The scary Kayako and his son Toshio left their *Uhhhhhhhhh....* with a burp-like effect trademark from the back of your throat. It's scary emphasis took effect on me only on the first two times I saw it.

3 - Double Vision
*I've seen this on AXN. What I like about this is that you won't find any Sadako look-a-like ghouls. Only scary ancient pasts, and the horrible legacy they've left behind.

4 - The Eye
*Another no-sadako look-a-like film. It revolves around a blind girl who was given another chance to gain her sight. Aww.. but the bad news was that the donated eyes came from a girl who had another bitter past and led the next owner of it to see unexplainable yet freaky ghosts to haunt her out! I'll never forget that old man in the elevator... whoooaa nice head man!

5 - Shutter
*A photographer and his newly graduate gf unravels a mystery of a dead woman who haunts them down to solve her mystery, even the ones who were responsible for her death. The best part is how Natre's justice were driven out with the help of her knowledge to communicate with the living... even for a deadly cause.

posted by the only juz @ 6/05/2005 10:44:00 AM 0 Comments